He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
