that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
