My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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