If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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