Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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