I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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