so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
