I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
