Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
