Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
