am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
