So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
