I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
