I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
