I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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