Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
