Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My pussy is not your playground.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
