'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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