Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
