If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
