Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
