long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
