Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
