ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
