He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I have post one night stand depression
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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