I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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