her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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