Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
