he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
