hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
