So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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