i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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