told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
