I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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