Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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