Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
