Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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