thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
