i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
