kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
