operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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