Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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