I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
