Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
