I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
