I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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