Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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