Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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