she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
