Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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