My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
