Whod you bang
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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