i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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