For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
