I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I wear drunk well.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
