is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
